The dreaded high school reunion. I attended mine this past Saturday.
I’m embarrassed to admit in the months leading up to the reunion I was
apprehensive, to say the least. I think “nervous as all get out” would be a
more appropriate way to describe it.
Getting ready for the reunion I felt like a 15 year old
getting ready for a homecoming dance. Naturally, all of the high school
insecurities creep back in. I can only speak for myself, but I don’t think most
people would choose to relive their preteen/ teen years. So many hormones. So
many emotions.
As a 28 year old I was concerned I wouldn’t be successful enough,
likeable enough, or extraordinary. I don’t have a lucrative career, I live with
roommates, I’m unmarried, I’m not a model, I don’t have children, etc. And
although I’ve had many interesting experiences, when you begin to hold your
life up to an insurmountable measuring stick it inevitably leads to you feeling
small.
I should note that I was not the target of high school
bullying. I was certainly never popular (cue the marching band and lots of
other academic clubs), but I’d like to think I was at the very least considered
nice by some of my peers. But I was a teenager, and I did experience the
discomfort that comes with that territory. I vividly remember walking down the
hallway my junior year and wanting so badly to be invisible. As a prepared for
the reunion, I was struck by the fear that maybe I had succeeded in being
invisible. Maybe no one would remember me. How awful- to be completely
forgotten.
And yet, with trepidation, I decided to go. Some of that
decision came with the aid of being 28 and knowing that I’ve survived worse
things in my life, and unfortunately would probably face worse. It also helped
to talk to older and wiser folks who all said they had positive experiences at
their reunions. And sometimes, damn it, I just want to be brave. It also doesn’t
hurt, that at 28, if I am uncomfortable in a situation I can always just leave-
I don’t need to call my mom to have her rescue me in the mini-van.
During the first thirty minutes of the reunion every single
person I talked to told me that they felt extremely uncomfortable, they almost
bailed, and that they were super nervous. Turns out I wasn’t the only one. There
is some comfort in knowing that some human emotions are universal. Everyone
reverts back to old insecurities, and everyone has a healthy fear of the
unknown.
Honesty, ten years gives people a lot of time and space to
grow up. If you chose to go to your reunion, give people the benefit of the
doubt- trust that maybe they too have grown up. If you were a bully in high
school- apologize. If you were bullied in high school- I’m genuinely sorry you
had to experience that and I hope that you are living a peaceful and productive
life. If your experiences were too traumatic, I understand and respect your
decision not to go, and I hope that by your twentieth you feel more comfortable.
Only about 100 out of the 613 (please don’t ask why by brain
refuses to forget the number of people in my graduating class) showed up. Most
of the super “popular” kids aka bullies didn’t come. Some were probably too
busy, and some were probably too embarrassed of their past behavior. And most
of the kids who were bullied didn’t come either. Some were probably too busy,
and some were probably too uncomfortable. I wish they would have come, and I wish
some bridges could have been mended.
When deciding if you should go, I would encourage you to
boldly be your beautiful imperfect human self and know that everyone else is
imperfect too.
