On big birthdays

As I am a few months away from my 29^th birthday, I have begun to think about the transition to 30. Birthdays ending in 0s and 5s tend to be universally scary/ monumental.

I’ve been contemplating ways to mark or celebrate this transition. So I turned to trusty google and Pinterest to see compilations of lists that other people believe need to be accomplished by 30.

Some of the examples are lofty- inspiring even. Some of the things you’ve probably already done, decided you have no interest in, or you’re interested but various financial, emotional, etc barriers are in the way. And some of the suggestions are demoralizing and might make you angry- in a way that lists that imply that you “should” have certain experiences might actually make you feel inadequate or like somehow you are failing.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have goals, shouldn’t have lists, and shouldn’t share those lists with your sister-friends on the internet. But what I am instead saying is fuck the lists and their implications of what it means to be an accomplished young woman in society. I’m saying that maybe those lists were written by upper middle class woman whose ability to live abroad in no way make them superior to you. I’m saying that maybe you can have a full, happy, and interesting life that isn’t defined by the parameters of someone else’s list. Maybe you have overcome great obstacles- perhaps you’re the first person in your family to go to college, maybe you raised a child as a teen mom, perhaps you overcame personal tragedy or trauma, maybe you are battling addiction, in remission from cancer, raising younger siblings, wrestling with unemployment, or facing mental health issues. Your story, experiences, and existence have value beyond someone else’s idea of what success at 30 looks like. You do you.

If I were to create a list of things I’ve done it would be ever evolving and a bit messy: I’ve read a lot of books; developed important friendships with compelling individuals; I’ve fallen in love, had my heart broken more than once, broke a few hearts- maybe I learned somethings along the way; traveled to interesting places; I volunteer in my community; I’ve completed several degrees; tried to be a better sister, daughter, and friend; grappled with body image issues; I’ve taken many classes and I was open to new and unique experiences including: intro to fencing, intro to Indian cooking, intro to Stand-up comedy, drawing, acrylic painting, intro to mosaics, social justice for women training, how to make your own green cleaning products, creative writing, emotional intelligence and conflict resolution, etc.; I’ve climbed mountains; camped alone; cried; laughed; asked for a promotion and didn’t get it; gotten a promotion at work; ran marathons, half marathons, sprint triathlons, and completed a half Ironman; did terrible things; did honorable things; made a heck of a lot of mistakes; got some things right; grew apart from some friends, maintained some long-term friendships, made new friends as an adult; I vote and engage in the political process; experience depression; tried to understand faith and the universe; I’ve experienced cowardice and moments of brilliant bravery; my views on feminism, racism, sexism, genderism, ageism, sizeism, etc have evolved and will continue to evolve; survived trauma; and tried really hard to learn how to be happy… it might not be a neat and ordered list, but it belongs to me. Here’s looking at you, 30.